Tuesday Things

I've always said that there is Jessie, and then there is Tuesday Jessie. Tuesday Jessie loves messy buns and coffee, cameras and blank paper. Tuesday Jessie doesn't have to be anyone for anyone because she is already someone, Tuesday Jessie. Because it's not Monday, it's not Friday, and it's not even in the middle of the week yet.

This is what it looks like to drive to Glenwood Springs. I like this kind of view because it means that I'm heading to an evening with my boy followed by a day with my camera, with my laptop, with my coffee. Here, in the Bluebird Cafe. I've always taken pride in being a regular at every single coffee shop at home. Here, though, I take pride in being obscure enough that people look at me and wonder if they recognize me. They look at me and wonder if I was the person who happened into the background of their photo last week, last month, last year. Nobody asks, here. Nobody wants to know. I love that.

Because lately, it has become too much. Working and getting ready for college, planning a wedding and answering questions as to how and who and when and where. Coming home and whistling for a dog only to realize that he took a walk with Cancer last May and that he's not yet home. He won't be coming home.

It is exhausting. And all of it, is noise.
That is why I believe that it is so very important for me to be here, now, with myself. And, as it happens, with you, whoever you may be. To walk into the shop and smell, taste and speak coffee. To sit and write. Because, quite frankly, I don't care what anyone thinks. I saw this day and what it could be for me and I'm going to cup my hands over it like a drop of dew on a flower, to save the sun from burning it off for a little, just a little, bit longer.
So, whatever you have to do today, screw that. The hardest thing for me to learn is that people can be your friends and still be in your way, suffocating you. I know now, that it's okay to let yourself walk away for a bit. To not feel guilty because they're oh so nice and you were supposed to do oh so much with or for them. I don't owe anyone these days more than I owe them to myself.